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22.03.20

ihnen wachsen flügel, wie einem adler

Zurück ans Meer - BRUCKNER

the worst kind of sad is not being able to explain why.
it happens randomly and there's no trigger.
the worst nights are the ones where you cry until your lungs collapse.
until your milky ribs can no longer protect you from your damaged heart.
when the pain all catches up to you in one muffled cloud of torrential rain.
and all you can do is soak it all up.
alone. but somewhat happy still.
you realize that is all you are.
that is all you have ever been.
and that is all you will continue to be unless you start building skyscrapers not only in your head
but in reality, forming your future with your own hands.
remember how you were tracing the skyline with your fingers?
the way the wind kissed your skin?
the way you chased the moon, stitching the stars together into patterns?
what happened to you?
how does someone fall out of love so deep?
how do you stop loving the latern in the sky that sung you to sleep every night for years?
how sad do you have to be?
22. märz 2020

19.03.20

you win, you lose

194 Länder - Mark Foster

by the time anyone sees this, years will have passed.
i'll make this as simple as i can: what's wrong with death, sir?
what are we so mortally afraid of?
why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity, dignity and decency,
and god forbid, even humour?
death is not the enemy, gentlemen.
if we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all,
indifference.
we're all dying, sir.
our job is to increase health. you know what that means?
that means improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.
now you ask me if i've ever practiced medicine.
if that means opening the door to those in need, those in pain
caring for them, listening to them, applying a cold cloth until a fever breaks,
if this is practising medicine, if this is treating a patient, then i am guilty as charged, sir.
every human being has an impact on another.
that is why when you treat a disease: you win, you lose.
you treat a person, i guarantee you: you win no matter what the outcome.
the latin term for sentiment is "carpe diem". seize the day!
gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
why does the writer use these lines?
because we're food for worms, lads. because believe it or not, each and everyone in this room,
is one day, going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die.
the world is their oyster.
they believe, they're destined for great things, just like many of you.
their eyes are full of hope, just like you.
did they wait until it was too late to make something out of their lives?
did they wait until they achieved even more than what they thought they were capable?
i know you hate your job.
i know you don't have many friends.
i know you sometimes feel a little uncoordinated and not as wonderful as everybody else.
i know you're feeling as alone and as separate as you are.
but i think you're the greatest thing since spice racks.
it's the universe at it's essence. every element has its place in that order. you can't change that.
you see what i mean?
you've got to be crazy. it's too late to be sane. because you're only given a little spark of madness.
if you lose that, you're nothing.
how kind is it to give life, only to take it away again?
what's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not. just keep going.
find that thhing you love because it's tough work.
i think if you can find the thing that really gives you joy, that'll be it.
that's why i had to come out here now. to tell you, i'm giving up.
just not the way you think.
sometimes you win, and when you win, you lose.
19. märz 2020

18.03.20

ich hasse das ständige weggehen

Lucky - Jason Mraz

ich hasse das ständige weggehen.
das weggehen meist zu einem zeitpunkt
an dem ich mich gerade daran gewöhnt habe, dass sich das leben vertraut und sicher anfühlt.
meist dann, wenn alle bewegungen und gesten erprobt eingespielt sind,
wir vergnügt sind
und ich zufrieden bin wie alles ist.
zufrieden darüber, wer bei mir ein und ausgeht.
zufrieden darüber, wer sich in meinem leben einen platz erwürfelt hat
und ich es geschafft habe, dass sich diese menschen in meinem leben wohlfühlen.
ich selbst mich in meinem leben wohlfühle.
nach und nach ein lächeln mehr, ein lachen mehr,
zusammengewachsen und zusammen gewachsen.
aus im schatten, im weltsumpf übersehbare soloalben
hin zu im scheinwerferlicht strahlende kompanien wortwitziger, wahnwitziger langspieler.
nach und nach silben.
nach und nach worte zur einleitung
eines satzes, eines großen gesprächs, einer attraktiven kaskade alltäglicher belangloser milieuerlebnisse.
einer produktiven schöpfung gar wunderlicher findigkeiten.
irrelevant was es ist, solange es nicht vergeht
bin ich restlos glücklich.
18. märz 2020

04.02.19

please remember that we changed

Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake

“almost”. didn‘t quite make it, or made it just very near. such terrible meaning, holding the utter truth. separates me from what could have been. tragedy, a marvelous tale of tragedy, one of many.
above all tales, my favourite one will inevitably always be you. us. whatever that is. what a tragedy. in silence we went different paths, watching you abandon the long hours of sunlight, everything we had, so easily. to live with the fact that you will be my most painful “almost” is the hardest part. accept that i was better off without you, that there is no going back to what we used to be, time to learn more about myself. knowing, that you will come back in half a year‘s time, i focus on the here and now. focus on finding happiness.
at least soon it will be us again. summer and me.
04. februar 2019

17.01.19

so much more was said in the unsaid

Sense Of Home - Harrison Storm

lebenslange haft im eigenen körper,
es gibt immer zwei seiten, eine verbrannt, eine unangetastet, zwei seiten für die man sich entscheiden muss. unabsichtlich, absichtlich? ungewollt, gewollt? passiv, aktiv? entscheide dich.
qual der wahl. gut oder schlecht? gesellschaft schreit "wir sind im auge des betrachters die guten!" doch was, wenn all das von dem was wir für richtig hielten, falsch ist?
toast. eine seite verbrannt, eine unangetastet, zwei seiten für die man sich entscheiden muss. wählst wahrscheinlich die hellere zum beschmieren. 
rebellion gegen die gesellschaft, eingesperrt, wähle die dunkle, schlechte, verkohlte seite.
mehr frieden? mehr liebe?
würden dann endlich die fragen aufkommen warum wir nicht nach oben gehen oder kopfüber fliegen können oder warum der himmel nicht der boden ist?
würden dann meine wünsche in erfüllung gehen?
17. januar 2019

13.01.19

wer bist du, wenn niemand zuschaut?

Speculate - Xavier Omär

alles ist anders - du bist anders.
alles verändert sich - ich halte dich, früher hieltest du mich.
alles wandelt form - du hast mir die welt erklärt, tausendundeins fragen beantwortet - jetzt halte ich deine hand.
alles fließt hinab - du hast mit mir gelacht, geweint, gefühlt - jetzt weine ich deine tränen.
alles findet wege - du hast mich in dieses leben geführt - ich werde dich begleiten, wenn du es verlässt-
13. januar 2019

12.01.19

threw stones at the stars, but the whole sky fell

Kill Our Way To Heaven - Michl

du. ja genau du. du hast insgesamt 300 wörter, zweihundertachtundneunzig, dann bist du tot. du schnappst grad nach luft, doch du hast richtig gehört. du möchtest es nicht glauben, doch tatsächlich kommt der tod in diesem text. deine sichtweise auf den tod beinhaltet nur das sterben im schlaf, nach einem erfüllten leben, eventuell sogar bei einem unfall, aber doch nicht in einem text! nie im leben.
doch, sicherlich. viel häufiger als du es dir vorstellen kannst. wie viele menschen aus deinem näheren umkreis haben ihr letztes wort gelesen und ihren letzten atemzug genommen? zwei? vier? sieben? zwanzig?
nein, du bist todesanfänger, so wie fast alle. wie oft muss man es wiederholen, lest endlich die gebrauchsanweisung. sterben geht auch durch text.
ich habe neulich ein mädchen im zug gesehen, eine vampirliebesgeschichte in der hand, gerade als sie las, hatte der gutaussehende junge vampir der protagonistin in den hals gebissen, und ich ihr in den nacken gegriffen. drei minuten später war sie tot. im text gestorben. wortwörtlich. spürst du meine finger in deinem genick? übrigens, du hast nur noch 122 wörter. 
viel zu kurz eigentlich, ein paar letzte gedanken.
der erste schrei, frisch aus der fruchtblase, so ging es los. 102 wörter. frisch verliebt, nervös was der andere von einem denkt, warst du schusselig und hast deine schlüssel fallen lassen, als er dir gestand, dass er dich ebenso sehr mag wie du ihn warst du überglücklich. 66. du ringst nach luft, die wörter werden knapp. 57.
jeder kann sich entscheiden den text nicht zu lesen, der lebt dann ewig. überlege es dir gut, in 50 jahren kennst du niemanden mehr, 450 weitere und du bist vereinsamt. fünf milliarden jahre später ist auch die sonne tot. lieber jetzt? 15. licht am ende des tunnels. kahl, angsteinflößend, gleichzeitig beruhigend. wir überschreiten die schwelle.
0.
12. januar 2019

11.01.19

steine an den füßen

Wherever I Live - Alessia Cara

sand füllt meinen ozean, kein ozean. wasser füllt meine wüste, keine wüste. der ort, zwischen ozean und wüste, zwischen dir und mir, gefüllt mit sand, gefüllt mit steinen, gefüllt mit wasserfluten. weder wasser, steine, sand, unordnung, der ort ist voller gedanken und voller tiefgründigkeit, zwischen ozean und wüste.
rote farbe fließt die straße herab, 'siehst du dieses intensive farbenspiel' frage ich ihn, er betrachtet mich kurz, schüttelt stumm den kopf und eilt davon. alles eilt. der sand sinkt schnell herab, meine gedanken eilen von hier nach dort, es hört nicht auf, schneller, immer schneller, keine pause, vergessen auf welchem weg ich mich befinde. kopf zwischen sand und wasser, kopf zwischen ozean und wüste.
ich werde angespült, treibholz, der ozean spuckt mich aus. zurück ins altbekannte, die sonne geht unter, ein letzter schimmer, ein rauschen wiegt mich in den schlaf, schwarzgefärbt, tauche tief ab, da wo das wasser am blausten schmeckt soll mir die luft ausgehen.
zwischen sand und wasser, überall wüste oder ozean. doch das wasser brennt salzig in meiner lunge, und der sand, eigentlich unendlich viele steine, die mir im weg liegen.
11. januar 2019

10.01.19

auf deine weise

If Our Love Is Wrong - Calum Scott

glück, eine strahlende familie aus den katalogen der wohlfühlindustrie, sie, einsam in ihrem zimmer, kälte kriecht unter die decke.
frieden, ein hieroglyph auf einem alten grabstein, er, ordentlich gefaltet, seine hände zum gebet.
gerechtigkeit, ein vergessenes lied, es, flimmert und vibriert, in der luft.
hoffnung, ein blitzender schimmer, du, einzigartiges grinsen, wärme durchflutet mich.
überleben befindet sich nicht in meinem alphabet.
10. januar 2019

09.01.19

let your soul gravitate

Take Your Guess - Tom Rosenthal

not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be okay. it is fine to end things. it is fine to walk out of someone's life if you don't feel like you belong in it anymore. before i turned, i looked at you for a last time. the last time i saw you, you were trying to catch snowflakes with your open mouth. chasing snowflakes always was your metaphor for the people who try to fulfill their dreams - but you, and secretly me too, never really had dreams. sure, society's expection of how to live and what to do, but no dreams of your own. no big milestone you'd like to set. we're the people who have all the answers for others but none for ourselves. and that's fine too! start to release expectations about how getting what you want has to look. your mind is no match for the universe and its infinite possibilities.
9. januar 2019
  

04.01.19

let go of the dark days

Run For Those Hills, Babe - Tom Rosenthal

we complicate things when it is really quite simple. every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you‘ll never get back. in a year you have thirty-one million, five hundred and thirty-six thousand seconds. spend this time turing secret smiles into laughs, and laughs into kisses – and before you realize it, the days turn into weeks. and the weeks into months. and you will find yourself forgetting what it was like before that person was in your life. we‘re in this together, documenting the moments where we feel most in love with ourselves: what we are doing, who we are around. all i really want is to lay in the snow, preferably with you. i‘d remind you that you are enough. your dreams matter and miracles happen daily. happiness comes to those who search for it. and you‘ve totally got this.
4. januar 2019

03.01.19

stormy sea

Ophelia - Roo Panes

entering a crowded room and seeing that one person. i once read that this person is the one you love. the person you think of when you wake up and fall asleep again is the person you love. there are so many ways to "love" a person. but now it is 3am and i'm crying and i cannot fall asleep because every time i try to close my eyes and count sheep, your face is all i see. i see your dazzling smile and i feel your hands on my cheek and our lips only a couple of millimeters apart - and nothing. it is the midde of the day and i am daydreaming again. in a fog, not noticing the surroundings, just you and my thoughts about how our breaths are synchronized and so are our heartbeats too. thinking about how you think exactly the same things as i do, at the same time. and then, it's after school, a lovely afternoon and i am not doing anything because once again i am thinking about you. suddenly this defeat. suddenly the rain pouring down, the colors are bleeding into each other, blue has turned a muddy red, among all these people your absence. my mind is swirling around the question what you are doing, and just like the past few months i keep replaying that one scene. when sadness was the stormy sea, you taught me how to swim. the moment you spoke these words: "this will not work." i gave you the option to leave in the beginning, told you so many times that if you are not ready, just go. and you simply told me you would never dare to break my heart, it would be the other way around. well how ironic is that now.
3. januar 2019

02.01.19

no matter how much you fight

I'm Not A Saint - Billy Raffoul

most people refuse to hear this: forgiveness is needed in real relationships. finally need to accept the fact that your partner isn't perfect and neither are you! check yourself first before you blame someone else for things they did not do. sometimes, you're the toxic person. sometimes, you hurt people. sometimes, you need to apologize. because only from understanding that you make mistakes there can be growth at all. strive for continuous improvement, stop faking perfection. here's a friendly reminder that "doing your best" does not include pushing yourself to the limits of your endurance. it does only include doing the best you can do without hurting yourself. a further, even friendlier reminder, that it's completely okay to take longer than others at figuring out how to apologize when you hurt somebody. the most important thing is that you do apologize at all. what's done has been done and you can't change it. so take your time to process the events. also, it's completely fine that you don't do as much as someone else. they're not you, and your way of figuring out life is just as valid as theirs.
2. januar 2019

01.01.19

things do not change, we do

Son Of A Preacher Man - Tom Goss (ab 1min27!)

there is dark. and there is light. and you need to start shifting your perspectives. look in the mirror: do your eyes smile too? you're looking more tired than ever. smiling softly, but the eyes a dark, unfulfilling black void. wearing a thousand faces, just to hide your own. of course you're going to say you're happy for him and force a smile. but look at your own eyes, they show your lies! did you see, i started fighting. so should you. you're loved every step of the way. tired of seeing you in bitterness, tired of watching you in self-pity. there's always a chance to make things right, but if you are searching for another person to change your life, you got to look in the mirror! just be yourself. bloom. grow. shine. bring some light into this darkness.
1. januar 2019

12.11.18

well, here you are

Darkness and Light - John Legend

counting on my fingers, list of mistakes that i made. we all tried, i tried, you did not. no amount of hands outstretched could keep count. no time for keeping score, the game you played, you won. yoou did it, i'm done. during these gray days, uncertainty seems impossible to measure. space seems to have a million dimensions. cold invades the body and cools it down to negative degrees. too big compared to how small it feels. remember that my hand can reach any part of the world if you need one. how do you fill a void without a billion stars? mind, heart and soul collide. flutter and fall apart, you're my sunshine, you're my rain. hello darkness. hello light.
12. november 2018